island girl on the go

My Self-Care Shower Ritual For Relaxation & Healing

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Unknowingly, sometimes, I believe we are too mean to ourselves. We harbor feelings of doubt, shame, and guilt and recently my personal war has been not feeling good enough. The question now becomes how do I manage those feelings and soothe my mind? The answer, self-care.

Self-care is one of the hottest wellness trends right now but what does it really mean? For me, it’s about reminding yourself that everything is going to be ok. Taking time to be gentle and to slow down. A time to unfold. A time to make you your highest priority, without interruption, judgment, and expectation. There is something to be said for scheduled self-care dates but I think one of the easiest ways to practice self-care is to add extra time and be more intentional with activities that are already part of your daily routine. Like taking a shower, for example. You already do this so why not make taking a shower a healing experience as well?

One of my favorite self-care rituals is taking a loving cleansing shower. This might sound a bit odd but follow me on this. For many of us, the first thing we want to do after a long day of building our empire is take a nice hot shower. Personally, I like to use this time not only for a refresher but also a destresser. A time to show myself extra love and extra care. This time is especially important when the world and/or you have beaten yourself up. The external challenges we face daily are one thing but the mental wars we fight are a whole other situation. Adding a little extra time and care to your shower can be a great way to recover and tend your wounds from that mental war.

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Here are a few things I do to transform my shower time from a regular scrub down to an indulgent act of love.

1. Set the mood

Lighting a couple of candles and playing your favorite sensual playlist goes a long way. Do all the sexy things you would for a late night date but this show is just for you.

2. Add a little essential oil

As the shower is steaming up, add a few drops of essential oil to the tub. The scented steam from the hot water will instantly transform the bathroom into your own luxury spa. Aromatherapy can be a powerful tool when combating stress. Choose a scent that you love but also gives the effect you need. Personally I love eucalyptus and lavender.

3. Offer yourself the best

This is not the time for your bright green cheap soap bar or chemical-filled over-scented body wash. Treat yourself to clean natural luxurious products. Self-care is also about being intentional with what you put on and in your body, soap included. For added body buffing, consider adding an exfoliating step once a week.

4. Positive self talk & cleanse

Now that you have the mood set and you are feeling calmer already, it’s time to cleanse away the day. This is the most important part of the entire shower ritual. I’ve addressed this a few times before, but positive self-talk is a game changer. The things we say to ourselves can be really harsh and downright hateful. Instead of replaying the events of the day and reliving every mistake, failure, and heartbreak, use this time to let it all go. As you are washing your body focus on:

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a gift. We often talk about forgiving other people and how it is more for your peace of mind than it is theirs, but how often do we talk about forgiving ourselves? Not only for the visible mistakes but also for the quiet moments of despair.

Lather up your body and mentally speak forgiveness to yourself. Forgive yourself for what you didn’t know. Forgive yourself for not being compassionate when you needed it most. Forgive yourself for not allowing your best self to shine through a difficult situation. Forgive yourself for not speaking up, standing out or walking away when you should have. Forgive yourself for the comparisons, the self-deprecating jokes that actually hurt and the mean girl comments that you would not even tell your worst enemy.

Release

As the warm water washes off the suds, the dead skin, and the day’s grime, release every idea, situation, and relationship that does not serve you. Imagine all that stress and negativity moving from your body down the drain and away from your life. Say it out loud, “I release everything that does not serve me and choose a life filled with purpose, love, and joy.”

5. Moisturize

This might be my favorite step in the entire ritual. Now that you are clean, relaxed and calm, it’s time to sweet talk and rub yourself down, honey. As you moisturize with your favorite oil, lotion, or body butter from your sister friend who whips up miracles in her kitchen, affirm everything that you are and intend to be. Take your time and slowly soothe each body part and appreciate the beauty that you are spiritually, mentally, intellectually and most definitely physically. Tell your body why you love it and thank it for carrying you on this journey.

After doing this I promise you you will feel so calm and loved. This shower ritual is something I developed over the past few months and I love it. Feel free to take it and make it your own. In the comment section below, let me know what you think and how you customized your shower ritual!

My Self-Care Shower Ritual For Relaxation & Healing

14 Small Ways To Improve Your Life

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1. Prayer & Meditation

I grew up with prayer and it’s easily something I’ve used to continuously feel connected to my higher power. In the last couple of years, I’ve learned how to practice meditation. Meditation means many different things to different people, but for me where prayer helps me to connect something higher, meditation helps me to connect to myself. The more I meditate, the calmer and more aware I feel. The more I pray, the more guided I feel. So together they are a lethal combination. Check out a couple of my favorites meditation podcasts:

2. Dress up more often

I love dressing up. To start my travels I decided to sell almost everything I have, which included the majority of my clothes. At first it felt like a great idea but as time passes, my inner fashionista cries. Even with my limited wardrobe, there are times where I look for the cutest thing I have, throw on some makeup and simply go for coffee or nice walk. Don’t take the saying, “If you look good, you feel good” for granted. Taking pride in your appearance can be a serious confidence booster.

3. Dance more

Dancing is one of my favorite things to do, but I don’t do often enough. Let’s be clear I love a good party. Like LOVE. A me seh road. And the main reason I like parties is to catch a nice dancing vibe. I feel so alive when I dance, so connected to my body, and so feminine. It immediately gets me in a good mood and all cares go floating out the window. I don’t care what I look like, cause in my head I am Beyonce mixed with a likkle Spice.

You would think with all the joy it brings me I would dance every chance I get. But nope, I barely dance at home. It wasn’t until recently when I was playing the latest DJ Private Ryan mix that I realized that I need to dance more. After taking an amazing feminine energy workshop with my girl Silfath Pinto, I was inspired by her morning movement ritual and have incorporated sensual dance to my mornings. LOVE IT!

According to Everyday Health, dancing can boost memory, diminish depression, reduce stress, and help you lose weight among other things. When was the last time you put on your playlist and just let your body move? For booty popping inspiration, check out this playlist.

4. Start or end your day with a little yoga

Similar to meditation, yoga has helped me connect to myself. Yoga is the closest I get to daily exercise. I consider it part of my devotional aka worship practices. (I can already see my mom pick up the phone to pray for me after reading this.) I get an intense sense of peace after I practice - I feel calmer, stronger and more in-tune with myself.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned while practicing yoga is that if you lose focus on yourself or your breath then everything falls apart. Whenever I take a class and I’m trying to hold a pose or get my body to flow into the next position, the minute I lose track of my breath or start looking at how the next person looks amazing while I feel like a hot sweaty uncoordinated mess that's when I lose balance.

Another thing I love about practicing yoga is that we are taught to accept ourselves wherever we are in our practice. And I don’t mean month to month progress, I mean moment to moment. Every day you touch the mat is different, so we are taught to let our bodies lead and only push as much as we can handle. If your body is screaming to rest in child pose, then that's exactly what you need to do. I love that. Mostly because it translates to everyday life. Some days we are pushing through our to-do lists like absolute rockstars and other days getting out of bed seems impossible. But guess what? You have to accept and love yourself equally at both places.

Yoga is not the easiest thing for me to keep up with and there are many days where I forget to hit the mat. But when I do come back, I’m always like, “Why did I stop doing this again?” For some inspiration to get you to the mat, check out my favorite YouTube Yogi Brett Larkin.

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5. Drink more water, like for real

As I am preaching to you, I am preaching to myself. I am not good at drinking water, but I am definitely getting better. And if coconut water counts (which it should), I’m actually killing the game! One of the best ways I’ve been able to bring my water intake up is by walking with my water bottle. Admittedly, this started as a way of saving money while traveling. If I walk with a water bottle, I won’t spend money on sugary drinks and sodas. (Wine and beer don’t count!) In addition to saving money, drinking water keeps my skin looking healthy, makes it easier to go, boosts my immune system, and makes me feel like I am being a real adult. For more benefits of drinking water, check out this article.

6. Take your “Me Time” seriously (no phone, no tv, no distractions)

You would think that being a solo traveler would mean that I am a pro at taking my self-care seriously. But like the best of you, I falter all the time. I constantly watch Netflix to keep me company, my phone is never more than an arm’s length away, and I find myself scrolling through my social media feeds in the down time that I could be using to develop a skill or catch up on reading. Even so, it doesn’t take long for me to feel the consequences of my actions. My spirit will feel unsettled and my anxiety will spike….then I’m like, “Oh snap, I’m not doing the important things I need to keep my soul healthy.” Then I have to rein it in, practice self-compassion, and re-prioritize. (By the way, that’s how I ended up writing this post. Way more productive than getting lost in the social media minefield.)

7. Jot down 3 things you are grateful for every night before bed

Maintain an attitude of gratitude. This one is sooo important. It’s so easy to let the pressures and obligations of the day distract you from all the blessings you do have. So before you close your eyes at night, write down 3 things you are grateful for. Make sure you go in depth about each one. No slacking and no two word lists. As my sister says, “When you take the time to dig deep and unearth your gratitude, your perspective begins to shift and you create even more blessings in your life.” Listen to my sister! She is smarter than me. FACTS.

8. Keep a Journal

I try to take my journal everywhere; it’s probably one of the most important things I own. There are many benefits to journaling, but what I enjoy the most is having a private space where I can be my most vulnerable. In my journal, I can work through thought processes and situations, and, of course, I get to document my experiences.

Most recently I’ve started bullet journaling, which has stepped my journal game up like WHOA! Along with my thoughts and reflects, I keep track of my goals, habits, budget, new words I learn and so much more. My personal accountability has gone through the roof. Everyday I go to my daily habit tracker and check off what I’ve done. Every Sunday I re-read my goals and reflect on all the things that brought me closer to my goals and the things that I can improve upon.

9. Fall in love with podcasts

I LOVE podcasts. They are a great way to keep up with the news, learn new things and listen to amazing stories and interviews. Check out my favorite podcasts here:

  • Serial - Serial is a podcast from the creators of This American Life, hosted by Sarah Koenig. Serial tells one story — a true story — over the course of a season.

  • S-Town- S-Town is a from Serial and This American Life, hosted by Brian Reed, about a man named John who despises his Alabama town and decides to do something about it. He asks Brian to investigate the son of a wealthy family who’s allegedly been bragging that he got away with murder. But then someone else ends up dead, and the search for the truth leads to a nasty feud, a hunt for hidden treasure, and an unearthing of the mysteries of one man’s life.

  • Up and Vanished- Atlanta filmmaker Payne Lindsey of Tenderfoot TV originally envisioned Up and Vanished as a true-crime documentary. Lindsey selected a missing-person case from his home state, Georgia, and embarked on a journey as an amateur investigator. After starting his research and initial interviews, he decided to present the project in audio form as a podcast.

  • On Being with Krista Tippett- The groundbreaking Peabody Award-winning public radio show and podcast. Conversation about the big questions of meaning in 21st century lives and endeavors — spiritual inquiry, science, social healing, and the arts.

  • Revisionist History- a podcast from Malcolm Gladwell and Panoply. Each week for 10 weeks, Revisionist History will go back and reinterpret something from the past: an event, a person, an idea. Something overlooked. Something misunderstood.

10. Schedule some time to hang out with your most encouraging friends

Who are the friends that encourage you, listen to you vent, remind you of your potential, and make you laugh? Call those friends, set dates, and keep them. Life doesn’t seem to get any easier the older you get, but the people you keep around you can make the journey more bearable and worth taking. It’s easy to get caught up in career, relationships and the day to day grind but don’t forget to be there for your friends and make sure to ask for help when you need it.

11. Read more

I’ve always had a love affair with books. For a short period of time during and a little bit after college, I totally forgot how much reading used to be a part of my life. Lately, I’ve been craving my old love so I went crawling back into her binding arms (see what I did there?). Reading opens up new worlds. Whether it’s a novel where I can get lost in a fantasy, or a nonfiction book that teaches me something new, I am always a better person after I turn the last page of a good book. Recently I discovered that if you get a library card you can access your library’s eCatalog online and, using apps like Libby or Hoopla, you can send books directly to your Kindle for FREE. How amazing is that? Check out my Goodreads book list for reading inspiration.

12. Learn something new

The internet is a beautiful thing when it comes to expanding your skill set. We are so blessed to live in a world where you can learn almost anything while chilling at home in your pajamas. Over the years I’ve used Coursera, iTunesU, and online course offered by bloggers to learn everything from the history of color in film to how to set up affiliate marketing. Also, once you get your online library card, some libraries offer access to different learning websites! I swear the library is the gift that keeps on giving.

13. Go For Walks

When people ask me what I do for a living, I like to say, “I take long walks in different cities.” This is not just a cheeky way of not telling people what I do for income, but it’s a very true statement. Going for walks everywhere I travel is one of my absolute favorite activities. In addition to discovering new nooks and crannies, meeting new people, and mapping a new location, walking helps to clear my mind, exercise my body, and daydream. According to Harvard Medical School, walking also reduces the risk of developing breast cancer, boosts immune function, and helps tame a sweet tooth. WINNING!

14. Keep A Budget

People, people, people. This is me walking into my 30s claiming financial responsibility for my life. Money/budgets/fiscal planning are all things that I am not so good at...yet; things that make me a not so great Taurus and a so-so budget traveler. But in the name of owning property one day, I rebuke the spirit of overspending, anxiety laden bank account checks, and paycheck to paycheck living.

 

This year I decided that enough was enough. One of the simplest ways to keep my account from the “crying over dry rice” zone is to maintain a monthly budget and keep track of my daily expenses. I know this sounds tedious, but once you get into the groove of things you will get so much satisfaction in meeting your budget goals. Because I have to jot down every dollar I spend, it makes it super hard to justify a splurge. If you budget in your self-care expenses and small luxuries here and there, then random spending can be drastically reduced. When I look at something I know right away if I can afford it and which category it falls in my budget. I’m not saying that my budget will make me Warren Buffet overnight but I feel like getting financially free one day can be a reality if I continue to take small, responsible steps.

So there you have it! What are your favorite small activities that greatly improve your life? Share them with me below.

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6 Ways I Downsized My Life To The Travel World

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from the archives

The decision to downsize my life and set off to travel the world was an easy one. I have no children, no significant other and no major commitments to keep me in one place. So with no true anchors to think of I only needed to get rid of all my stuff. If you are looking to do the same thing here are a few ways I got the job done:

  1. Part Ways:

    The first and most important thing you have to do when downsizing is deciding what you want to keep. For me this was easy. I knew I was leaving my apartment with one carry-on suitcase and a backpack.That was it. OK maybe it wasn’t that easy. What do you do when you have 5 favorite dresses but you only have space for 1? And it better be a versatile one. And what if I want to trade out clothes after a few months? Do I send a box to my mom’s or a friend’s?After much contemplation I decided that very few items needed to be kept in storage (meaning mom’s or a friend’s); only winter clothes, a few sentimental things (journals, photos, etc.) and important documents. Everything else will have to find a new home.

  2. Sell furniture in a forum you trust.

    Let’s face it, selling furniture/household items was not fun. Between posting, reposting, chasing down leads and waiting for people who never showed up, the process can make any sane person just want to open a window and throw everything outside like it was an ex-lover’s favorite things.

    Like that wasn’t enough stress, as a single woman and living alone, having random people show up to my house was a huge safety concern. Because of this I decided to only use forums I was familiar with. Groups on Facebook I’ve chatted in before, my own FB page and FB’s marketplace were my go to’s. Facebook was my go to for selling everything. Being able to check a person’s profile or knowing that we have common friends eased many of my fears.

    To take precautions further, I only gave away my building address (not apt #) to most people and met them downstairs if they purchased Items that were easy for me to carry. When I sold my large farm table to a young man, I asked a friend to hang out with me when the purchaser wanted to come by. I also tried my best to schedule meetings in the mornings before work or the early evenings.

    Being safe while inviting strangers into your home should be your number one priority. Don’t let desperation cause you to put yourself at risk.

  3. Donate towels, sheets, pillows and blankets to an animal shelter.

    This was a daunting one for me. What in the world do I with my old towels, sheets, blankets and pillows. Most things I have I knew I could sell but who the heck wants my old dingy towels? Thank God for Google! Not knowing what to do I looked up ways to recycle these items. Out of all the ways to reuse these items, donating them to an animal shelter made the most sense. Animal shelters use these items for animal bedding, to dry them after cleaning and other necessities. I’ve never been a pet person but definitely brings me comfort to know that my old blankets can help provide a comfy home to animals in need.

  4. Sell, Trade, Pass Down & Donate Used Clothing

    From what I’ve read donating used clothing to thrift stores can be tricky. Most clothes you donate never make it to the sales floor. So in order to minimize the chances of my clothes ending up in the landfill anyways I tried these options first.

    Sell/Trade: Crossroads Trading Company is one of my favorite thrift stores in LA. They do an amazing job of curating items people will actually buy again. Knowing that I buy most of my items directly from designer showrooms, I knew heading here first would be a good bet. Better yet, with the money I made from the sale, I bought my carry-on and backpack for the trip. Can you say win-win?!

    Pass Down: During this process I totally forgot that I had a little sister who loves fashion as much as me and wears the same size, but while rattling off my list of to-dos she quickly reminded me fi ship some of di clothes dem. PERF!

    Donate: Most of my clothing and shoes (and some household items) went to the Good Shepherd Center for Women and Children.

  5. Sell Books To A Used Bookstore

    Since living in DTLA, I have completely fallen in love with the Last Bookstore. Growing up I loooved bookstores but I’ve never been in a used bookstore, I thought they were just fun mystery locations in fantasy films. The Last Bookstore is everything in a mystery movie come to life and then some. It married my love for books with an adventure. So when looking for a place to give my favorite reads a second life, I knew exactly where to go. What you get for the books isn’t much but it's a lot better than nothing.

  6. Give It Away for Free

    When all else fails list your stuff for free. When I was down to the wire and less than 24 hours away from jumping on a plane, I put up a sign in my apartment lobby and listed all the items I had left for free. At that point just the mere fact that someone was willing to come and physically move things that I no longer had the energy to haggle with people for was enough for me. I was beat!

I wish I could say I made it through this whole process with minimal waste but to my dismay, I think a fair amount of items still ended up in the trash. I really felt I failed the whole mission of minimal waste because of it but I can say I gave it a hell of an effort.

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If you enjoyed these tips and have any of your own to share, let me know in the comment section.

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Granny's Verandah

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from the archives

My entire childhood can be found painted on the walls of my maternal grandmother’s house. I’ve heard that memories start at around age 4 and even though I left Jamaica at 7, most of who I am was built in those short memory years.

It was there I learned that there is a fine line between responsibility and freedom. Waking up every morning and going to catch water from the community pipe for our drums before running off into the bush to play for hours. It was there my curiosity and sense of adventure came alive, creating worlds between trees and embodying different characters among friends. Not only did we dream up towns but we built them too. Using whatever materials we could find, nature and trash included, we built homes and shops. Walking, climbing and picking the feast of the wild. Our bellies were full with laughter and fruit.

On my grandmother’s verandah is where I learned to shell peas, wash naseberries and stockpile almond seeds. It's where my friends gathered to suss (gossip) and where we combed our hair. When the evening came it also became our boundary, God forbid if we got our feet dirty after the night’s bath!

Sleeping in granny’s house is where I learned to hate the dark. After the lights of the kerosene lamps went dim, it was only me, the blackest night, the sounds of my family breathing and the occasional rat scurrying across the roof. One could only pray that sleep would come quickly to save me from my own imagination.

But the same zink roof that amplified a tiny creature’s footsteps into the ugliest beast’s hooves, is the same roof that made the music of a rainy day. The sweetest choir lulling one to rest. Do you know the sound of country rain? From the first drops rushing everyone to take the clothes off the line and open the lids of the drums, to the downpour of heaven persisting on your stillness as you wait for mother nature to complete her lovemaking with the earth. Then there is the pitter patter of the end trail of her joy giving way to the community coming alive again. Oh to know nature in this way, to wait on her, to praise her.

It was my grandmother’s house that taught me about change. When we migrated I expected to come back to everything just as I left it. But nothing stays the same, for better or for worst. My friends changed and so did I. On visits, our conversations became a hungry how are you, hoping to connect again, desperate to find common ground, but the truth is we never really did. I moved from the simplest of life to the complex world of the US. A place with so many layers and intricacies that I was trying to understand and navigate. How do I explain to them that it’s nothing like the movies and things were hard. Not hard in a country life way but in a systematic stressed out way. One is not better than the other they are just different. Different in ways that I couldn’t explain.

Eventually my grandmother’s verandah disappeared, along with a few neighbors and family members. Etched into my memory these oracles and monuments haunt me. Every trip home there is a new change. Even though the physical changes to granny’s house (added rooms, a new patio, indoor kitchen and bathroom, running water and electricity) were all good things, the selfishness inside me cried with each new concrete block. Why did they change the verandah, of all things? It’s too different.

Selfishness aside, every change became a testament of my family’s resilience and hard work. We made it somehow. Fighters, scholars, hard workers, lovers. The only way to get beyond the poverty that rural life can bring is to fight. Fight to earn a living, fight for an education, fight for a better life, even if it means leaving where we love; granny’s house.

Some of the best years of my childhood can be found painted on the walls of my granny’s house. Pass the new front room and step into the heart, the core is the same. This house that taught me about change and love. The house that speaks to my adulthood. My family built a solid foundation but oh do we know how to renovate, decorate and make additions.

Coming home is like hearing the call for dinner after a romp through the bush. Leaving the memories of what was to face the reality of what is, then feeling the warmth of stew peas and rice filling a hunger that you forgot you had.

Mountain Fog

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from the archives

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The Blue Mountains breathed life back into me. When planning my trip home, I knew I needed the mountains to be first stop and I needed spend a significant period there. I packed books, sweaters (way too many sweaters), palo santo, sage, and notebooks. I had many ideas of what to do when I got there. I wanted to make the best use of my four days. I wanted to return from the mountain changed and clear. It happened, but not the way I planned. 

As we ascended the mountain, full of anticipation and ready to be cleansed of the weight of the “real” world, I was also relinquished of my plan. We arrived at dusk in a cloud of damp fog that held up the belly of the rain just in time for us to pull into the driveway. As if God herself was welcoming us with tears of joy, the sky burst open and bathed us.

After the fire was lit and we brewed our first of many cups of coffee, we sat, drank and marveled at the beautiful rustic setting we would call home. It didn’t take much for me to realize that this was the whole point of the trip - to do nothing. To allow the windows of my soul to study every moment, every tchotchke, every leaf, every star and every dew drop.

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I became obsessed with being present. Filling the spiritual void with stillness and gratitude, I no longer craved food. One of my fondest memories was running through the garden in the rain. I’ve never seen lushness like this before - the flowers drooped under the weight of the morning rain and the colors! They shone deep and bright under the giving sky. I felt like a child discovering nature for the first time. And even though I shared this scenery with my travel-mate and a few hundred townspeople a couple miles away, in this moment I felt like it was my special secret. My wonderland.

On one of the nights I dragged my friend to lay under the stars. Armed with blankets and a little bit of fear, we used the lights from our phones to guide us to the perfect patch of grass. Laying back waiting for our eyes to adjust, we giggled. It was pitch black at first and the night's ominous sounds caused us to wonder if this was a good idea. As soon as the doubt arose it was calmed by the magic of the stars. Shining like our hopes and dreams among the black void of space. We instantly understood who we were. The space between earth and sky melted and we became astronauts. 

When there wasn’t silence, there was warm communion. Woman to woman we stripped ourselves bare and unpacked. Offering nothing but honored listening, we took refuge in the dialogue. How did two Queens allow programmed reality to dull the jewels in our crown? Worshiping, witnessing and reuniting, we kissed our reflections, gathered our robes, and descended.

Worshiping, witnessing and reuniting, we kissed our reflections, gathered our robes, and descended.

The fog released us just as it welcomed us, thick, misty and full of hope. 

The Beautiful In-between

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from the archives

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the in-between. I feel like no one talks about the in-between. In-between jobs, relationships, passions, careers. Not the transition, I’m talking even in-between that. That weird lull. The panic, the anticipation of what to anticipate. The what the hell. And the silent pain and the searching. The aimless searching. The searching for what to search for. That in-between.

This is where I am. But here is the problem, I didn’t know I was allowed to have an in-between. I thought you get a rest period and then everything picks back up. But after quitting my last job and resting, I still wasn’t ready to face the world. I was starting my in-between.

Lost in the confusion. I’ve searched for articles, read self-help books, spoke to friends, and grasp for any notion that I am not loosing my mind. But the truth is I felt (and in some ways still feel) like I’ve lost my mind. Lost who I am. Lost my breath. I constantly find myself feeling like I CAN NOT BREATHE. Questioning why I am here? If I don’t know who I am then why should I be here. If I were to walk out my door and never return would anyone even notice. and do I have the courage to do that?

You see the mind is a beautiful thing but it’s so dangerous when it’s lost. Even though I am still in this phase I feel like I’m at the tail end. I have questioned enough to figure out that what I am going through should be a topic of conversation. Surely I am not the only person that has felt like this! I think I’m special but I’m not that special.

Yes, this blog post is and not a whoa is me post. But attempting to put how I feel into words is a small inhale. I won’t begin to try and tell anyone how to fix themselves to get through this but I will share what has helped me.

Here is a list because it’s 2016 and it’s not worth reading if lists aren't involved.

  1. Self-reflection: For me, self-reflection is part of self love. It’s the alone time you take to sit with yourself and weed through the barnacles of your mind. What’s gong on in there? When I am practicing self care, I question my negative thoughts. I attack them on site. Through journaling, long walks, & praying/meditation. I dig deep into why I feel the way I do, what triggered these emotions and then dig even deeper into that. One thing I’ve learned is that the problem is never what we think it is. Take the WHY six levels deeper and maybe then you will find something new.

  2. Patience: The work of yourself is a life long journey. You are not going to get to the best version of yourself overnight so you might as well relax. One of the biggest things that would drive me crazy was the fact that I could not wake up early. I would hit my alarm clock for the umpteenth time and then beat myself up because once again it’s 11am and I am still in bed. That’s when the negative self talk would happen. You’re worthless, you can’t do anything right, if you can’t do a simple thing as wake up on time then no wonder you can’t do anything right. After realizing the pattern, I took note of how it set a terrible tone for the rest of the day. After becoming tired of feeling so worked up over this one thing I decided to be patient with myself. I thought well if my body is unwilling to get up then let me be patient with her. Through my patience I became kind. Now slowly but surely I am waking up earlier and earlier, sometimes without even an alarm.

  3. Intuition: One of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made was not listening to my gut. I knew I needed to leave my job earlier, I knew i needed to rest more. 100% of my pain is knowing what I need to do but not listening to myself. There are still things in my life that I am being stubborn over. Fear is the devil.

  4. Sleep: As I said earlier I have issues with waking up, in addition to that I feel guilty that I am not sleeping less and grinding more. As I have stated before over sleeping gives me so much guilt. But I also had to learn that under sleeping is not worth my sanity. Allowing myself to rest while I get ready for the next phase of my life is essential. I know for a fact that once I have reconnected with my passions and hit a stride, there won't be a lot of sleep involved. So I might as well take full advantage of this down time.

  5. Support system: I talk about a good support system all the time! I have a great team. Even though I have major trust issues, I know exactly who to call for a girls night, who to discuss dreams and motivations with and who to call and cry to. When going through a dark phase, you can’t tell your secrets with just anyone. You have to find people who won’t project their issues onto you, people who have been there and people who you admire. Not everyone is ready or equipped to carry your cross with you. Don’t make the burden heavier than it needs to be by trusting the wrong people.

  6. More patience: breathe and forgive yourself. Tell yourself it’s ok that you felt too shitty to workout today and just make sure that you get up and try again tomorrow. Patience is not an excuse for failing, it just makes trying again easier.

  7. Solitude and Solidarity: After sitting with myself and understanding the weight I was under I decided to find people OUTSIDE of my support system that I could converse with. I found women only groups in my area, entrepreneurial groups and women only activities to attend. I am a woman on a mission and I wanted to find women like me. Even though I am going through a lot, I know that it’s important to be around women who are actively working on themselves as well. These women have become my low key accountability partners. I’ve received random calls of encouragement, made important business collaborations and friendships. Because we are all on this entrepreneurial journey, we all understand what it takes.

  8. Acceptance: Lastly, there is acceptance. I accept where I am on this journey and even though it's hard not to compare where I am to my cohort, I do know that I am headed for greatness. Not every part of my journey will be beautiful but I need to go through all of it because there is a lesson in every chapter.

I still have bad days. Hell, right before I finished writing this I was feeling so low about my situation. But the good news is; with each breath is an opportunity to start over.

exhale.